Several years ago I thought it would be a good idea to branch out into an area that I had not tried but felt ready for: public speaking. After all, I was an expert in leadership but who was going to know about it unless I put myself out there? I wanted to deliver keynotes. I wanted to be on stage because frankly … it made me feel tall. (Yes, my life is all about getting back at Randy Newman).

So I took some lessons in delivering keynotes from my colleague Matt Rix. Matt used to do some stand-up comedy and I knew I had a bit of a clever sense of humor, so I figured he would be a good match. He had a complete course that addressed preparing, designing, and delivering keynote speeches. It was eye-opening!  Boy – how much there is to know that you didn’t know. It is called unconscious incompetency – not knowing what you don’t know - something I will get more into in another blog installment.

The personal growth since then has been amazing. Sure, painful at times, but pain leads to growth, right?

So here’s where I urge you to go forward and throw yourself in. One of the best ways to build your capabilities is to volunteer to speak somewhere -  whether a women's networking meeting (ABWA, NAWBO, Junior League, etc.), a lunch & learn at work, or a more formal event like a conference. It does NOT have to be a big formal event.

Throw yourself in? YES! You know how when you want to get in the pool to swim, but you fear that first step … the submerging in cold water? Consider what you tell yourself to get started. “Just jump in. Don’t think about it.”

Yes, it is like jumping into an icy lake because as soon as you agree, you are committed! And as soon as you are committed, the process begins and the tension of knowing you will be talking to a group soon becomes a journey of discovery and growth.

Believe me .... because you know people are going to be grouped in front of you with a gazing and expectant stare, your preparation abilities kick into full swing. You start thinking through how to articulate something that you want to share. You formulate philosophies and conclusions about your topic that you are surprised you knew!

It’s one of the critical tips that I share in the book Skirt Strategies because it is an exercise in self-management and clear communication, all rolled into one.

Carol and I recently interviewed a colleague, Meggin McIntosh of Emphasis on Excellence, about the value of being a speaker and I would like to share that discussion in an online podcast we have recorded.

In 20 minutes, we address several things to consider like how to prepare, tricks in presenting, using stories, managing your breath, and determining your topic.

 

Please enjoy this PODCAST

http://tele-seminars.s3.amazonaws.com/WithMegginBeingASpeaker.mp3

 

Now get in the pool!

 

 

Planning and Multi-Tasking: Two of our 16 female leadership strengths. Does it sound like they may work against each other? Or is one not optimized unless you have the other?

AND HOW! For me, they help create the ideal, which is slowly and painfully disassembled as the day progresses. Walk with me through the before and the after ...


The Ideal Day: (a la Katie)

7:30 am       Working emails & calendar
8:00             Morning Kickstart: PPT
                    (Personal Productivity Time - protected and non-interrupted!)

9:30            Check in on Email
 
10:00          Out and about: Face-to-face’s with prospects and present clients

11:30          Lunch & other errands

12:00 pm    Exercise (pre-empted until later if there is a lunch meeting)
                    Usually a bike ride where I merrily greet passers-by.

1:00            Coaching Calls with Clients

4:00            Working emails & calendar

4:30            Administrative, billing

4:45            Write plan and actions for next day, must-do’s for tomorrow

5:00            Make dinner


Reality:

7:30 am      Working emails & calendar

8:15            Personal Productivity Time (started 15 minutes late)

9:30            Work Email and marketing

9:50            Answered Phone Calls

10:20          5 minutes late to a project meeting

11:30          Lunch

12:00 pm    Exercise

1:00            Coaching calls start
   
3:00            One coaching call re-scheduled (client has the flu)
   
4:00            Project-related work
4:25            Work emails

4:45            Admin stuff

5:15            Declare MYO night for family dinner (Make-Your-Own) and open a bottle of Red

   

You run from one meeting to another. You look at the long list of daily to-do's. You keep yourself revved up because the stress of your workload seems to create that reaction.

Sure it's easy to imagine that as a typical day.

Until a friend sends you a Ted Talk link, about gratitude. You really don't have time.

When my friend Rebecca sent me the link, I stopped for a moment and asked myself, "what's it worth to take a few minutes out of the day? Why is it important to step back and appreciate?"

Thanks for sharing. And the extra 10 minutes out of the day were paid back to me in many ways, including feeling a slight revival of sanity and perspective.

Here's the link:

TEDxSF - Louie Schwartzberg - Gratitude

Last month I sauntered into a room full of association members, all gathering at lunchtime to hear me talk. The leadership subject was a familiar one to me, so assurance in the content was a cinch. But other issues loomed: the gum I had just pulled from bottom of my heel while coming down the hallway (who has the indecency to drop gum on carpet?), the faceless audience, and that ever-unknown room set-up. Ever had to speak to a group where massive pillars dotted the middle of the room?

But the piece de resistance was the skirt tucked inside my hosiery.

It has happened to us all. The true injustice was the timeliness of this misfortune. I actually entered the room with my skirt “not fully deployed”, shall we say. Before the start of the engagement, a sympathizing onlooker approached me with the unpleasant news and I quickly corrected the wardrobe malfunction. So now, how to adjust.

I reached into my metaphorical “assuredness” bag, and pulled out some backbone, remembering that how I react to this may send a strong message about my character. I remembered a favorite saying: Our story is not so much what happens to us, as what we make of what happens to us.

A reaction of self-despair and embarrassment would only give the experience some legs, so to speak. My first piece of advice – act like nothing happened.  I call it the “act as if …”  So I acted as if it did not happen. I acted as if I was the leadership authority on the premises. I acted as if it was normal to have a little mis-step here and there.

You see, if you act stupid, people think you are stupid. (Substitute “embarrassed”, “unsure”, or dim-witted” as needed).  Recently, a study from the University of California at Berkeley monitored people’s reaction to confident co-workers. When tasked with a project and asked afterwards who was thought of as smartest, those that took initiative were viewed as smarter. These go-getters did not score any higher on intelligence tests, but their confident know-how sent a strong message: act with self-assurance and you are treated as competent.

It’s a strong message for anyone who has felt under fire or been the underdog. This is often a situation to which women can relate because most of us work in a male-dominated environment where we are the minority and easily outvoted. We call our assets our strengths, but some may see them as quirks. A workplace where the my-way-or-the-highway approach makes you feel run over will likely trigger a little self-doubt.

 
Drive on, woman.



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Empowering women begins when "we" change our mindset. By we, I mean women. We have to give ourselves the benefit of knowing we are individually brilliant and capable, then we have to give that same benefit to other women. Only then will the world see women as the super capable leaders we are.

Confession, I was never much into sororities, I thought they were silly and unnecessary. Well I was wrong and I'm just learning this at 50. I have a few very good female friends, women I would stake my life on and I would have their back in any situation with one phone call. But I don't have a network of women I can call for a reference or referral or just to meet for coffee. I have other networks but none that are exclusively women. I always thought my approach was more balanced but recently I have begun to wonder???

On the other hand there is Katie, a friend of mine and business partner here at Skirt Strategies, who not only belongs to a sorority, since college, but she has continued that female networking system through other women's organizations throughout her life. She sees these women's organizations as her extension into the community and beyond. And to come back to my point about empowering women I think these organizations do just that, they create a network, a safety net if you will, of female support we so desperately need to move ourselves and careers forward comfortably.

I'm quite tired of women being tagged with labels of catty (as my friend Barbara would say "cats are wonderful people don't use them in your analogy") bitchy and using their feminine wiles, read sex, to get ahead in the world. The women I know have used their brains, their intuitive knowledge and their natural leadership abilities to get ahead. And I'm damn proud of all of them!

Here at Skirt Strategies we offer an online organization to network women who are developing their personal leadership skills together. I guess in a way we created a women's organization because I didn't have the network of women who were like sorority sisters to me and Katie did it as an online extension of her already broad network.

As Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world". I offer my support to those women wanting to advance their lives and careers. I know you are talented. I will be here "holding the high watch" knowing your fabulousness and knowing all women are capable, smart and brilliant. We empower each other daily.



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Would you call it a revolution? Or is it just that I seem to be in the middle of it and looking, so I see it more often.

I feel certain that we are hearing more lately about women wanting to become better leaders, women seeing themselves as more natural leaders, or women advancing more readily into the ranks of upper management.

The nation, and even more so many global regions, is seeing a tide of women in the workforce, climbing at a steady rate. Many more are advancing up the leadership ladder than they have before. And we also know that there are more women achieving advanced degrees like PhD's and Master's than men.

What is this gender balance thing?

Here's my version of the recent history and what has led us to an increased awareness about the gender representation around us and a subtle keeping-score about how many heads of each there are.

The preceding generation of women was largely homemakers (the mothers of the baby boomer generation), and few entered the traditional workforce at anything more than an hourly job. Within a half-generation or more, the ones that advanced into management had no female role models. The only business styles they had seen at work were those of men.

Enter the viper - a woman acting like a man and taking on a leadership style that carries many gender-dependent traits like control, corrective action, and individual decision-making. The problem: it is unnatural for her yet she sees it as "the way you do this." Many women do not realize that the leadership she deploys in a host of other areas like family and community are actually quite refreshing and beneficial to the work environment too. But they too often feel like an oddball if they don't do it the way a man would do it.

Fast forward to present-day

The baby boomers are well-entrenched into leadership, leading many companies and realizing the success of their hard work. Yet, the female representation in leadership has still lagged behind. Of the Fortune 500 Companies, roughly ten are led by woman. Is it perhaps because that lack of role models has created a mental barrier? Is it that women opt out for family reasons? What?

It is a HOST of things that cause the imbalance, but what no one wants is a barrier that exists when a woman IS capable, IS experienced, IS a good fit for advancement, but IS held back by a culture that cannot picture her in that position.

Perhaps it is an old story

Maybe we are whining about old sores, but I don't think so. But within the past five years, research has surfaced making an incredibly compelling case for all industries to look at the gender balance in their ranks because it is nearly a direct cause-effect to potential for success.

Yes, I said that ... nearly a direct cause-and-effect in achieving success when you have more women leading at work. Research is telling us that those businesses with female leadership enjoy a different culture and engage employees differently. Women who are influencing as leaders can have a different and quite symbiotic approach to men. A balance would be perfect.

See our research tab for articles from McKinsey, Pax World, and others for more research, and how natural female traits like collaborative problem solving and empathy help to mature companies into thriving industries.

How to stay in the loop

Skirt Strategies was created to alleviate this dilemma of women not advancing in leadership. We are dedicated to keeping your skills honed and providing ongoing discussions about your development challenges. We are on it!

I you are not ON IT, the giddyup with us by subscribing to the free mailings. Easy. We will keep a tip or technique or leadership topic in front of you monthly.

I challenge each of you to open your mind to what is developing in your workplace to help build natural traits of both men and women.

Oh, and one final note. You heard many generalizations in this blog entry. We call them "genderalizations" - sweeping conclusions about something simply based on gender. I know, I know. There is a danger in it but we feel that using it to help identify the predictable patterns in a majority of situations is worth the risk.:-) namaste.



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My neighbor moved away a year ago, and I miss seeing small signs that her house was taken care of.

Small gestures such as seasonal lights around the door, flowers adorning the driveway, or a welcome mat at the threshold had sent the warm message that someone is taking care of the place. In most cases, the responsible person is a woman ... someone that thrives in the chore of making a house a home.

Actually, would you even call this task a "chore?"

I love the role of "home"maker, and I would like to think my house reflects that. A friend of mine who walks the neighborhood regularly said recently to me that she always looks forward to see what I have on my front door -- the yellow forsythia during spring, the silk sunflowers during summer, a wreath of orange balls and pinecones during the fall, and so on.  You can see the tin stocking with sparkling doodads popping out of it that hangs there presently (one of my faves).

That led me to wonder what other signs of warmth I send personally and how you readers might rate yours. Do you carry a smile with you? Do you make eye-contact? Does your dress and posture send the statement that you own yourself and your leadership direction?

What hangs on your proverbial door?

Next time you feel in a lull (an annual one of mine is during the doldrums of winter, just after this joyous holiday season), come back to your "front door." What might be a way to redecorate yours? And then challenge yourself to actually decorate something ... literally decorate something. Often bringing a proverbial act to fruition takes you over the boundary to mental fruition.

Have a wonderful season, and be sure to share with me and Skirt Strategies what hangs on your door.



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Have you ever actually thought about the number of people that you touch in a single day? Really?

One day soon, just start counting. The husband bringing you morning coffee, the neighbor you wave to on the morning walk, the employee at the drive-through, the friend on the phone call, the teller at the bank, the smiling woman next to you at the stop-light (you exchange smiles), and even the recipients of the gazillion emails you send in a particular day.

You have an incredible potential to affect many peoples' day.

Yesterday I had one of the more personal encounters. At yoga I noticed the man next to me on his mat doing the class poses but without a towel. The yoga I practice is hot, and most people are prone to copious amounts of sweating. This guy was no exception and the studio pretty much requires a towel between you and their mats and carpet. He had tried to use a sweatshirt for part of the job, but it was soaked and useless.

I wouldn't be able to watch him suffer without wiping off for another hour so I asked him, "I have an extra towel. I can get it for you, if you'd like?" He replied "oh yes" with relief.

In actuality I only had one towel, and it was for my shower afterwards. Nevertheless, I went to the locker room to retrieve it. Why did I do that?

Truthfully, the joy of helping someone out was worth my struggling later with how to get dry after my own shower. It was so pleasant to be supportive in some little way during the course of my day. And when the yoga guy sheepishly offered to give my towel back after class dismissed, knowing it was soaked with his sweat, I was happy to simply give him the towel to keep. I also did not want him to feel bad about it, as if he now owed me, so I said, "Just pay it forward."

Imagine if we had the opportunity to give out joy-spreading acts throughout the day? The global energy-meter that measures positive spirit would crank to the right.

Yet we often hold back. It makes us feel self-conscious maybe. Or we don't want the other person to feel engendered to us. Not sure. But I notice restraint in myself too often. Like last week when the bank manager I have known for several years was at the teller booth with an absolutely super-cute new hair style. I held back the compliment for some reason.

This month at Skirt Strategies has been all about what story is going on inside of your head when your daily decisions and interactions occur. If you missed the video on the subject, catch up at the instructional video page. And if you are missing out on our monthly emails alerting you to the leadership training, get with it!
Free Monthly Sign up    Just get the video link
Weekly Subscription     Get a weekly leadership assignment ($27)



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Last night my youngest child took the car out to visit a haunted house with friends. She is 16, the youngest of two, and this was her first after-dark adventure.

When she came home at 9:15, there was a noticeable difference in her. She appeared composed, confident, and just a notch or two more mature than when she had left.  She had experienced her first big taste of independence. 

Small factors that affect our lives affect our behavior. A subtle look of approval from a client can cause an enduring sense of capability in us simply because we are reminded of what we do well. An effectively run day sends us the message that we are good at what we do. A thank-you or testimonial from a co-worker can provide simple proof to you that you are on top of it. Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't need others for that validation?

There's a technique called anchoring, which pulls forth from your past a time when you felt something positive or did something well. Often if you can mentally recreate the situation, you can re-live the feeling and reactions. You did it once, why not remember it to help you out? I encourage women to stay away from beating themselves up and instead focus on your strengths. Anchoring is an effective way of finding a positive.

Confidence is an important factor for each of us as leaders. When combined with a decent dose of competence, we have the fundamental makings for success, and more importantly we send the message to others that we are effective leaders.

By the way - I still get a little excited each time I am on the highway to the airport for an outbound trip. Seems you are never too old for a sense of independence.



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